happy?

at least i try to be happy. even in this lonesome season of rainstorms and flood, yes i am. even if i am feeling homesick, away from home miles and miles, yes i am. even if i have no one to intimately share my woes and blissfulness, yes i am. even if i am still clueless of what i really want for my career, yes i am. even if i am already physically tired, without reason or cause to, yes i am.

or am i just forcing myself to feel happy? forcibly trying so hard, but not enough to feel happy with how things are. or maybe, it is just the mere shivering cold that is making me doubt if i am really truly happy.

happiness, as many would say is something from within. it is more than just the mere sum of everything that is happening around you. it is more than what you have or don’t have. it naturally comes from within. something inside of you that makes you conquer happiness.

ideally though, it is a choice you make- to be happy or not to. but then again, when reality haunts you, you realize that it is not as easy as ideally it should. in order for one to be happy, you also have to feel around you, to feel your environment, to be sensitive to others. and when you satisfy yourself that the people around you are in a position where you could now freely be happy, then you start to welcome happiness.

but should our happiness really be obliged to be dependent on the circumstances , even the things-material or not, that surround us? no. as i’ve said, ideally, it is a choice. and if one chooses to be happy, whether or not the rest of the world is uncertain about their feelings, he can be by all means! it is in this personal choice within us that could yield to one’s personal happiness. why be saddened by one happening when there are plenty reasons to feel happy about. there is more to the world than what our plain eyes could see.

as for me, and my gameplan, maybe just for now (you know how fickle-minded i am), i choose to be happy. to think positive, smile, and be happy.

…even if it is still raining heavily and heavenly outside. even if it means traffic, and i'll never get home early tonight.
tsk. tsk.