finally, is it?

finally, is it really?

*** version 1 ***

i'm staying with the company and i'm giving myself a good nine more months to two years of worthwile work experience. or maybe more...

and how stupid i am to even think (dare think!) crossing over to another company. as my friend reminded me, i've only been with the company for barely three months. have my head been ballooned by nitrogen, so gaseous, so awful, so proud (!?!) to make myself believe that i am now ready for a new job, for a new careerpath, that i am now learned, wiser and experienced? hahaha--after three months!!! no way!

am i impatient? or am i that envious? have i not learned from my past to patiently wait... because after all these sacrifices, soon will come a time i will savour the fruits of my hardwork and labor? after all, im only a fresh grad--everyone starts from the very bottom. (i should know that.)

*** version 2 ***

i'm moving to a new company. there, i will start my career. hopefully.

come to think of it--i've only been here for 3 months (small time indeed) and moving to another company is my way of redirecting my carreer. shall i wait long, long enough to make it even harder for me to switch jobs? i think now should be the time. it may be a transactional work, but it is a stepping stone towards a career in finance-- forecasts, planning et. al. after all, great things come from small beginnings. huh! i'm not fastracking my career, i'm only re-tracking it. besides, i'm lonely here. i have a few friends--and mostly not as yuppy as i am. and i might be trapped in audit. i'm not even sure if its "the" career for me.

*** conclusion? -- i don't think so! ***

the past weeks i was practically attempting to fastrack my career path. and for something lifelong, career should never be fasttracked. that's why i'm giving my self time for making the right judgment. and while decisions should be carefully thought of, i have to give room for mistakes just as well. risks, in other words. to eventually learn and become wiser.

yes, i am clear of the things that i do not want in my life, but what i really really really want-- that i cannot exact. in this world of too many billion people, there are endless possibilities. that's why up to this day, i'm still bothered.

all i know for now is the fact that i will get there someday.
how to get there... that i will have to deal.

and still decisions

two days have gone.
still undecided.
still messed up.
still clueless.

thank God it's friday.
two days for more thinking.
more contemplation.
more headaches.

bless me.

decisions, decisions

this week has been a period of discernment for me. to exaggerate things, i was, and still am, in deep contemplation. and it's about my job.

decisions, decisions.

the choices:

a. to continue my work as an internal control associate (for a future career in internal audit, compliance, systems and methods etc... or a career in the US, perhaps).

b. or to transfer to another (bigger) multinational (too) company... for a different positon--project development blah blah... (don't know it technically, but it sounds great!hehehe)

the pros and cons:

for choice a:
- i wont complete my contract--a major problem (do i have to pay bond?)
- i feel ashamed to my boss. she has been good to me, and the least i could do is be loyal.
- i won't be able to finish our work objectives for the year
- i actually don't know what i am losing (of course, the so-called oppurtunity cost!)
- i might get trapped in the private world
- i would give up my cubicle, computer and locker (hopefully, it'll be replaced)

for choice b:
- security of tenure. i need that, badly (it comes with better pay)
- my co-workers are of the same age as mine (the same wavelength)
- more exposure (could end up to a career in sales too)
- more accessible
- lot's of company freebies, i assume (hehehe)
- i have no idea how things work in this company. absolutely zilch.


and still, there are a lot more things i have to consider......

let's see, tomorrow, things might be clearer.
might be.